Holidays: the season for gathering, laughter, and—oops—realizing you’ve been talking about your latest hyperfocus hobby for 30 minutes. If you have ADHD, this might sound familiar. Conversations can feel like a high-speed train fueled by excitement, impulsivity, and maybe a sprinkle of verbal hyperactivity.
While you’re diving into every fascinating detail, others might quietly be thinking, "Wait, how did we get from holiday shopping to the history of scented candles?". Oversharing isn’t just about talking too much. It can include sharing deeply personal details, monopolizing the conversation, or diving into niche topics with full enthusiasm.
What feels perfectly natural to someone with ADHD—like sharing your unfiltered thoughts—might feel overwhelming to others, especially in a group setting. So how can we navigate these differences during holiday gatherings?
Why ADHD and Oversharing Go Hand-in-Hand
For individuals with ADHD, oversharing often stems from:
- Verbal Hyperactivity: Talking fast and often, fueled by excitement.
- Hyperfocus: A deep dive into a subject that feels endlessly fascinating for you.
- Impulsivity: Sharing thoughts or stories without filtering for the context or audience.
These traits make conversations lively and dynamic, but they can also lead to unintentional oversharing.
Examples of Oversharing at the Table
- Too Personal, Too Soon: Launching into a detailed account of a recent breakup or medical procedure at a lighthearted dinner.
- Niche Interests Gone Wild: Enthusiastically explaining the history of train schedules when others were just discussing travel plans.
- Monopolizing the Spotlight: Realizing you’ve been telling story after story while others haven’t spoken much at all.
It’s not about shame or guilt—your openness and enthusiasm are strengths! But during the holidays, finding a balance can help everyone enjoy the conversation.
Tips For Navigating Conversations
Check in with Your Audience: Instead of interrupting your flow mid-story, check in periodically: “Am I making sense? What do you think?” This keeps the conversation interactive and ensures others stay engaged.
Remember the Season’s Sensitivities: The holidays can make people more stressed or emotional than usual. If someone seems withdrawn or reactive, it might not be about you—it could just be the season’s weight.
Share the Spotlight: Are you taking your fair share of talking time? For example, if there are four people at the table, are you talking more than a quarter of the time? If so, consider stepping back to let others contribute.
Choose Topics Thoughtfully: While some topics are universally appealing (funny holiday memories, food, or favorite movies), others—like personal struggles, politics, or finances—might be better avoided unless you’re sure everyone’s comfortable.
For Everyone Around The Table
Be Curious: Encourage someone who’s sharing by asking questions.
- For example: “That’s so interesting! How did you first get into that?”
Curiosity builds connection and shows you value their perspective.
Set Gentle Boundaries: If a topic feels overwhelming, it’s okay to redirect.
- For example: “I love hearing about this, but I’d like to hear from everyone else, too—what do you think [insert name]”
Embrace Differences: Not everyone communicates the same way, and that’s a good thing!
- Try saying: “I love how passionate you are about this—it’s inspiring!”
The Holiday Balancing Act
Holiday conversations can be joyful, awkward, or a little of both. By staying mindful of different communication styles, we can create a space where everyone feels heard and valued—whether they’re sharing a heartfelt story or chiming in with a quick thought.
So, let’s savor this time together and make the most of every moment!